Some people communicate with difficulty. Some may speak in front of the hall with a huge number of viewers, inspire people with big ideas, exchange jokes at parties and instantly find new acquaintances. Other people can barely maintain even ordinary everyday conversation. However, using simple rules and exercises, you can learn to communicate with people and achieve the desired results.
Why do you have difficulty communicating?
Difficulties in communication arise for many people for various reasons. However, they can be grouped into four main categories:
- Fear of public speaking or communication with dear people;
- Misunderstanding;
- Disgust;
- Lack of interest.
Misunderstanding - one of the biggest problems that arises when dealing with people. In this case, people can not start a conversation. They lose a chain of thoughts and are not able to build a constructive dialogue. To continue communication in this situation, you need to make a lot of effort. But if the interlocutor has no desire to continue the conversation, then it is easier to interrupt him.
For example, there are generally accepted patterns of communication. We talk with the boss on one of them, with relatives - on the other, with subordinates - quite differently. Sometimes these models of communication are confused, as a result of which relations with the boss and with close people deteriorate.
The next category is fear of communication. The difficulties of maintaining dialogue are associated with personal fear. Often the reasons for the emergence of the fear of communication are rooted in the result of negative experience in the past or even in its absence. One of the main fears is the fear of performance. It arises for the reason that the person does not know how his opponent will react to his speech. If, when misunderstanding, communication is interrupted by one of the parties, then in case of fear of the presentation, communication may not even begin.
The third category is disgust and difficulty communicating. A person can be able to communicate and find common themes with others, while not having any fears. However, the fact is that many people block communication even when they start.
For example, there is disgust from appearance. We all know that we meet on clothes. People are repelled by different external images, but most of all by people who do not care for themselves. Bad breath, dirty clothes, unwashed head - this is a guaranteed description of the interlocutor with whom they will not communicate. Communicating with a person with a bad social reputation will also be unpleasant. This may be his lifestyle, harsh statements or facts of life.
Last fourth category - interest in the interlocutor. Here everything should be in moderation. Interest in him should be sufficient to keep the conversation going, but not excessive. Excessive interest scares. With little interest, communication turns out to be boring and bland. Interest is the main reason for communication. If it is, then the dialogue can be successful. If not, then all other criteria are no longer important.
Psychology, how to communicate with people
In everyday life, communication is an important component. In the family, it is necessary to maintain warm relations and a friendly atmosphere, at work - to develop their own business and grow along the career ladder. If you apply the following rules of communication, in life you can succeed.
Tips for psychologists to communicate with the interlocutor:
- The interlocutor must often be called by name. Proper name for the person is more important than any compliments.
- When communicating, it is advisable to ask leading questions. Of course, he does not need to conduct an interrogation, but he must be asked in such a way as to limit himself to simple answers, such as "yes" or "no."
- Easy provocation in the conversation does not hurt. If you want to ask about something, then you need to do about it without worrying. In a conversation, it is better to set aside the following topics: bad news, politics, health, career advancement, gossip and other people's mistakes.
- People should communicate with similar intonation, at their pace. For example, the chief does not need to be bored with artistic manners, and with his beloved wife or husband to talk as with subordinate employees.
- It is necessary to speak clearly, competently, firmly. To do this, you need to restrict social networks, turn off the TV, burn literary trash and turn to high-quality documentary films or popular science magazines. In this case, scientific literature will not interfere either.
- There is a desire to communicate? Need to work with a written speech. Psychologists believe that there is a direct connection between the ability to communicate in writing and verbally. Therefore, if a person is a lover of social networks, limited to emoticons during communication is not the best method to learn how to communicate.
- For proper communication with people, use facial expressions and gestures. But you need to know when to stop. You should not talk about a trip to Africa with a straight face, but you also don't need to gesticulate like a windmill.
- You can keep up the conversation only if it turns out in the process what the interviewee is talking about.
The important advice of psychologists is to be confident and love yourself the way it is. To communicate properly, you need to be confident in your speech.
People need to be trusted, to be open. At least until such time as they have not shown themselves from the other side. For example, a neighbor may be annoyed with daily repairs and other habits, but he may be a good lawyer or a fitness trainer. In this case, you need to maintain communication with him in order to take advantage of his skills and knowledge at the right time.
Stop fearing communication
The main reason for fear of communicating with people is fear, which is based on not knowing what to expect from this communication. It can be presented before the start of the dialogue. But if a person is not self-confident, he will present it in a negative way. As a result, fear makes you avoid all kinds of communication with others.
In communication, first of all, experience is important. If not, then there are no conversational skills. In the absence of experience in communication, the desire to communicate disappears and a vicious circle is obtained. To break this circle, you need to gain communication skills. To do this, you need to get out of your comfort zone and face your own fear. There are several techniques for overcoming fears in communication.
Exercise 1: questions.Take the shuttle bus and ask the conductor where he is going. Ask him if he intersects with the right street. There should be no fear. There are no risks in such a question. This is a common question that the conductor should answer without any problems.
Exercise 2: call the company.As soon as you have free time, pick up the telephone directory and start calling. Where - does not matter. Find out how the organization works, on what schedule, what are their product prices.
If you don’t cope with the dialogue, there’s nothing wrong with that. You can always hang up, after saying that the wrong number. Every day, doing this exercise, you can achieve skills in this type of communication. You will also begin to understand that people are not as scary as they seemed.
Exercise 3: training in stores.To consolidate the learned skills of the two previous exercises, we turn to field conditions and go to the stores. But we are engaged not in shopping, but in small training. We call a consultant to ourselves and begin to learn all the subtleties of the selected device, for example, a microwave, video camera, telephone, and so on.
This is an excellent exercise, because besides the fact that we learn communication skills, we get rid of fear in talking to strangers and begin to learn to refuse.
Exercise 4: struggle with embarrassment.We go to the pharmacy. For what? To purchase condoms. In fact, there is nothing wrong with that. Just going to the pharmacy, remember that buying condoms, first of all, think about the health of your partner.
Exercise 5: polls.Sociological survey - this is what is needed to consolidate the skills in communication. To get started, try to formulate a question that you would like to ask people around you. Initially it will be difficult, because no one likes to interfere in privacy. But do not be afraid to ask, there is nothing shameful about this. The result justifies the means.
With the help of communication skills you will be able to discover enormous prospects and opportunities not only in your personal life, but also at work. Do not be afraid to try to communicate with people, transcending your fears.
Exercises for the development of communication skills
It is not possible to become a master of communication in a day, as well as in a month. But, mastering special exercises, you can significantly improve your level of communication.
Active listening.If there is a fear of communication, you just need to learn to listen. The golden rule: listen twice as long as talking. Learning to listen is necessary not only with the ears, but with the whole body. That is, engage the eyes, facial expressions, gestures. If there is a misunderstanding, you should stop the story of the interlocutor and clarify what he had in mind;
Non-verbal conversation.In psychology, there is a group of "whole" people. These are the people who, along with the presentation of information, are gesticulating to the beat. They say exactly what they feel, therefore, the body reacts correctly to the words. More attention is paid to body language than to speech. But if the problem is solved gradually: first paying attention to the hands, then to the movement of the legs, then to facial expressions, then the problem will soon be solved and the person will acquire a tandem of body language along with verbal communication;
Explanation of the conversation.During active listening this is important. If the interlocutor talks and at least something has become incomprehensible, he should be asked again in order to clarify the situation. Through this exercise, you can change all the motives and goals of communication, as well as the interlocutor to make it clear that the listener is really listening to him;
The formulation of questions.Initially, you need to pay attention to the quality of the questions asked. If they are closed, the communication skills development exercise will not work properly. Questions should begin with the following words:
- How often?
- Why?
- How?
- How many?
- When?
Initially, it may seem difficult to ask questions. However, when the interviewee begins to show curiosity about the opponent, this skill will develop automatically.
Awareness is the base of any skill. Indeed, thanks to the development of skill, a person ceases to observe himself and fully immerses himself in communication with the interlocutor. Thanks to the awareness, the person ceases to criticize the interlocutor, and begins to understand his feelings. This technique will teach you to use different approaches instead of having a standard conversation.
We start a conversation with strangers
If a person begins to communicate with a person unknown to him, he becomes an involuntary witness to other people's feelings and emotions, experiencing them too. Standard conversation about the weather can develop into a deep interaction. In fact, it seems strange to many that it is possible to take and establish personal contact with complete strangers like this. However, such interactions can cause emotional resonance. There are a number of tips on how to communicate with strangers.
Tip 1: open interest in other people.Each of the people is a unique person. You should analyze your communication experience. It is necessary to understand that the interlocutor is more interesting to communicate not with the one who is smarter than him, but with those who listen to him and understand. Be attentive.
Tip 2: Smile.People who smile in terms of psychology seem more attractive. A smile shows the interlocutor that communicating with him, the interlocutor gets a good mood and positive emotions.
Tip 3: own name - the most pleasant word for anyone. If you call a person by name, you can make him the simplest compliment. The name is an individuality. That is why many people get annoyed when someone casts their name, changing into a shape that does not please.
Tip 3: listening skills.When communicating with strangers, this is important. Few people really know how to listen to the interlocutor. As a rule, many people just wait for a pause to express their opinion and do not delve into the information that the interviewee wanted to convey. If you listen carefully even to a stranger and ask him additional questions, the interlocutor shows his full interest.
What to do if the interlocutor bydlovat?
A conversation with such a person takes a lot of energy and leaves an unpleasant residue in the soul. Before you start a conversation with bydlovaty people, assess the situation.
Not responding to comments and not expressing attention is the easiest way out of the situation. In most cases, the purpose of a bydlovat person to offend the interlocutor or insult. This pleasure must be deprived of it. You can change the topic of conversation or turn to another interlocutor. Such a gesture means unwillingness to play by the rules of the interlocutor.
A few tips on maintaining a dialogue with bydlovaty people:
- Be constructive. An impolite interlocutor can impose his point of view in a rude or offensive manner. Do not give in to provocations and return constructiveness to the dialogue.
- Translate attack. If necessary, resort to speech to sarcasm. Such a gesture will make the interlocutor understand the skills of using conversational weapons. In some cases, masters of verbal skirmish may perceive this as a challenge to a duel. And then you have to look for the answer to another replica and thus to infinity. Let the interlocutor understand that he is wrong and close the controversial topic.
- Find out the motive of the appeal. There is a category of people who are always talking during a conversation. For some, sarcasm is one type of manipulation. Need to think what the motive of the interlocutor? Maybe he draws attention to himself. Or vice versa, with the help of pointed remarks, it leaves the discussion.
To behave confidently in any situation is the main task of everyone. If the interlocutor is imperturbable, it will be difficult for him to provoke him.
If you are unpleasant interlocutor
Unfortunately, we do not live in an ideal world, where all people are kind and helpful. On the way, there are also people who carry negative and hostility in communication. But you need to be able to talk with such a category of people in order to learn how to survive and be in society. Psychologists have a number of tips for dealing with unpleasant people:
Tip 1: you should start with yourself. If the interlocutor is unpleasant, you must understand that this can be changed within yourself.
Tip 2: be neutral. If the situation is controversial, no need to find out who is right. Anyway, everyone will remain in his opinion, and the interlocutors only spoil each other's nerves.
Tip 3: good in an unpleasant person. Before you condemn the interlocutor, think about it, but what if he wanted only good. People tend not to notice the good. They believe that it should be. But when something is done wrong, it is immediately noticeable. Therefore, you should try to praise and support your unpleasant personality, if he really deserves it. Over time, the same can be heard at your address.
Tip 4: Increase the space with an unpleasant companion. You can work in another room, sit on the other side of the table during the conference, try to communicate more with other people. Ignoring is an effective way for an unpleasant friend to become an ordinary employee, colleague or even a friend.
Tip 5: Think about what you can endure and what annoys. Take it easy. Perhaps he treats badly to everyone around him. After all, there are people who are constantly dissatisfied with something. They have severe facial expressions and rarely have a smile. Option two: either try to change your loyal attitude towards yourself with your communication, or start ignoring.
Tip 6: Honesty. Openness and directness will help get rid of unpleasant people. If it is impossible to help someone, simply refuse, you should not make excuses. Many people do not even realize that they have the ability to annoy.
Tip 7: change someone is unlikely to succeed. The character is laid in the personality of education from early childhood, so do not try to change someone. But your attitude to a particular person can be changed completely.
If you use the above tips, then life seems much easier.
Features of communication with the opposite sex
If a person did not wind himself up from scratch, many troubles, insults, quarrels and sidelong glances could have been avoided. Everyone is inclined to create sharp corners where there are no corners at all. Instead of enjoying communication with people around us, we come up with various reasons, and then we take offense at fiction.
Due to the fact that the person winds himself up, he ceases to communicate with those with whom he wants, because of the restrictions he has imagined, resentment and negative emotions accumulate. Instead of driving yourself into the framework, it is better to enjoy meetings and conversations. This also applies to the opposite sex.
When meeting with the opposite sex is the main main rule - start talking about hobbies.
При появлении желания познакомиться с противоположным полом, полагаться только на красивый наряд или внешность не стоит. Удачный внешний вид поможет создать положительное первое впечатление, но куда более важен богатый внутренний мир, увлечения, рассказы и прочее. Поэтому полагаться только на внешность не стоит.
На первых порах при общении с противоположным полом может быть ощущение скованности. Это нормально. Так как у некоторых людей просто отсутствует четкий алгоритм поведения с новым знакомым. Неуверенная в себе личность боится сделать первый шаг и неправильно объясниться, поэтому у представителей обоих полов возникают комплексы.
Главный совет - перестаньте бояться общаться с людьми. Откройтесь им и тогда жизнь станет интереснее и насыщеннее.
Целью знакомства для женщины не должно быть замужество, а для мужчины - воспользоваться женщиной в постели. Не нужно отказываться полностью от своих намерений, однако, прежде всего, нужно быть благоразумным. Торопить события не стоит. Возможно найдется что-то общее. Запрещенными темами для разговоров являются: бывшие мужчины/женщины, работа, материальное благо, беседы о погоде.
При каждом новом знакомстве человека нужно воспринимать как приятеля/приятельницу. Знакомиться нужно просто так. Лишь только время покажет, во что перерастут отношения. Вести себя нужно, как друзья. Не показывать и не рекламировать себя, а проявлять настоящие качества.
