Dad, ignoring their parental responsibilities - alas, not uncommon. Their wives often fall into the trap of endless excuses - “the child is too small and frightened by its fragility,” “instead of the expected boy - the future football player, the girl was born” or “my father needs a little more time”. The reasons covering up the reluctance and inability of the second parent to fully participate in the child’s life are many. But maybe it is worth opening your eyes to the problem and start acting?
How to be one whose husband did not engage in caring for the baby from the very first days, becoming the best nurse for the baby and a reliable helper for the spouse? Change it with one stroke of a magic wand or a loud shout will not work out, you will have to start revising your principles and positions and correcting the mistakes made.
What factors are detrimental to an unsure papa?
- Fear. Constant fears that her husband’s awkward hands will not be able to cope with the care of the baby, irritation from improper manipulations with pampers and clothing fasteners only reinforces his reluctance to engage with the child. If you are determined to take up the re-education of your father, remember that there should be no criticism either in words, or in your eyes, or in a heavy sigh. Admire and admire the young beautiful father.
- Excessive autonomy. Of course, the child does not allow to engage in lengthy squabbles over parental responsibilities. Time does not wait, and my mother is much easier to do everything herself, without relying on the unlucky father. But this is how the dormant parental instinct plunges into even greater hibernation. After all, responsibility is born in the process of caring for a baby.
- Limited communication. Dad, disappearing all day at work is a frequent excuse for an existing problem. A tired husband has the right to rest after a busy day. But women who provide their husbands with the integrity of leisure activities harm both them and the child. Who said that playing with a son or daughter is hard work for a tired person? This is a charge of energy, good mood and enjoyment of family warmth.
How to realize your plans?
Of course, the tips are good on paper, but how to teach your husband to live according to your approved plan? For this you have to look at yourself. Track your arguments, mood, and tone.
- Complaints. Attempts to appeal to compassion and change you at the maternal post will not give the desired result. Dad, of course, will lend a helping hand and stay with the child for a while, until you "come to your senses." But such a request would give a negative color to communication with the child - after all, you didn't attract your husband to an exciting activity, but told him in advance about the upcoming "penal servitude." Do not dramatize the process of communicating with the child, the image of the driven horse will hardly encourage your mate.
- Scandals and persuasion. Looking after your own child is not a service or a favor, but a natural obligation of both parents. Therefore, you should not ask in advance, beg and agree on simple things - sit an hour with the baby, play with him or read. Thus, you only scare the spouse in advance and give your request the appearance of a complex and global task. Put the partner before the fact - you will be away for a while, and he will perfectly cope with the task.
- Expectation. In no case do not believe the consolation of girlfriends and relatives. The fatherly instinct does not know the concept of "time", and those who say that their husbands are involved in caring for the grown-up baby are cunning. Most likely, the circumstances and the growing up of the child allowed the mother to loosen her grip and calm down, finally allowing the father to get to know her child closer. Do not wait for a miracle - act.
- "Dad came! "- and you do not forget to meet the phrase of the husband who came home from work? Maybe the resentment accumulated all day does not allow you to show your sincere joy, and after you the children also start to be shy? process of communication and play.
You know your spouse as a big and strong adult. Such knowledge prevents you from seeing the main feature of all men in it - a big child is sitting inside. This quality can bring great damage if an unwise woman only provokes jealousy and competition for attention. But you can also reap the rewards - after all, it is this childishness that makes fathers much faster to get involved in the process of playing with a child, forgetting about age, time and adult problems.
Text: Vera Guler
